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Balancing Work and Motherhood

How to find balance as a working mom both at home and on the job

by: Sydney Loney

ome women start worrying about whether to return to work well before their babies are born–and many find they change their minds several times before eventually making a decision. "Sometimes you just don't know how you're going to feel until after your baby is born," says Dr. Marjorie Greenfield, author of The Working Woman's Pregnancy Book. If you do make the decision to go back, whether part- or full-time, you're then faced with the often daunting task of juggling the demands of home, family and career.

According to Statistics Canada, 66% of mothers in two-parent families (and 46% of single mothers) with children under age three are working–and research by the Canadian Council on Social Development found that working mothers experience high levels of stress and work/family conflict. Here are a few ways to relieve some of that stress so you can find balance, happiness and fulfillment as a working mom:

1. Divide and conquer

If you feel that you have to do all the "mom things" that your own mother did and all the "work things" that everyone else at work does, it can be really difficult–and unrealistic, says Dr. Greenfield. "If you're a working mom, you have to recognize that all the childcare and home responsibilities can't be entirely yours. You have to decide with your partner how you're going to divide things up–and it's a good idea to start talking about this early, even before the baby is born." And if you're a single mom, it's important to prearrange a reliable network of friends, family and support groups in your community to ensure you get all the help you need, she says.

2. Learn to share

Sometimes it's hard to completely vanquish old stereotypes of the mom as primary caregiver. If you find yourself taking over feeding/bathing/changing because you feel you can do things faster or more efficiently, restrain yourself. "Your partner isn't going to get confident with the kids if you're always there," says Dr. Greenfield. "Helping him get more confident means letting him take some of the responsibility and not breathing down his neck." Balance your family roles by letting him share in all the childcare responsibilities.

3. Take time out

"Many women run full speed to be at work and then are in such a hurry to get home and get everything done that they don't take care of themselves," says Dr. Greenfield. "They don't exercise or have healthy eating habits and time for themselves is the first thing that gets lost." It's important to carve out–and then protect–some time for yourself, even if it's just having a bath with the door closed or meeting a friend for a quick coffee.

4. Get extra childcare

If you're working part-time, a great way to give yourself some space to breathe and get a few things done is to get a little extra childcare, says Dr. Greenfield. With an extra hour or two more than you need to cover time at work, you could get your grocery shopping done or go for a haircut. If you're working full-time, try trading off with another mother so you can help one another out. Maybe pick her kids up from daycare once a week (and vice versa) so you can run a few errands after work.

5. Pay for services

If you can afford to, use your money creatively to buy you some time. Have your groceries delivered, your dry cleaning picked up or see if the teenager next door might want to earn some money by mowing your lawn, says Dr. Greenfield. "Ask yourself, ‘what am I enjoying, what's important to me and what am I doing because I feel I have to do it?'" Once you've isolated the responsibilities that are complicating your life, delegate them to someone else, she says.

6. Lower your expectations

So what if you're living out of your laundry basket, the dishes aren't done and making your bed means pulling the comforter up to hide the tangle of sheets and pillows beneath. No one's grading you on your domestic prowess, so be realistic about what you can actually accomplish in a day and prioritize what's important to you. If spending quality time with your baby means you no longer iron anything, then so be it. "You have to let go of some things if you're not going to be home all the time," says Dr. Greenfield.

7. Make the most of family time

Take time to appreciate all the little things that can get lost in a hectic day. Whether it's just having fun brushing your teeth together or sitting down to a family dinner, make the most of your time together as a family.

8. Remember that it won't last forever

Eventually you'll fit into a routine that works for you as a working mom. "When you're in the middle of it, you feel like you're never going to have time to yourself or time with your partner or even an evening where you think, ‘Hmmm...what do I feel like doing now?'" says Dr. Greenfield. "But if you kill yourself trying to be the perfect mom and the perfect employee, you forget that being happy is also part of doing a good job." And a happy mom means a happy family.

For more ideas on how to manage as a working mom, check out The Working Woman's Pregnancy Book (Yale University Press, 2008).

Meet our expert:

Dr. Marjorie Greenfield is a practicing board-certified obstetrician-gynecologist and fellow of the American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology (ACOG). She is currently associate professor on the full-time faculty at Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine. Dr. Greenfield's writing career started in 2000, when she became director of obstetrics and gynecology for the Dr. Spock Company, a health and parenting multimedia enterprise. While working with the Dr. Spock team, she wrote Dr. Spock's Pregnancy Guide, published in 2003. Her new book, The Working Woman's Pregnancy Book, hit the bookshelves in May of this year. Dr. Greenfield lives in the Cleveland area with her husband and their teenage son. www.marjoriegreenfield.com