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Coping with Toddler Tantrums

March 25th, 2008

What to do when your sweet little baby has a sudden freak out? Here’s how to get a handle on toddler tantrums.

by: Elizabeth Pantley

Toddler Tantrums

  • Baby (or toddler) tantrums start around age one.
  • A toddler tantrum is due to an abrupt and sudden loss of emotional control.
  • If you can identify the tantrum trigger (such as hunger or frustration), you can more easily calm your baby down.
  • Keep your schedule as regular and predictable as you can.
  • Give your baby toys that are geared to his age and ability level so he doesn't get frustrated.
  • When your baby is overly emotional, keep yourself as calm as possible.

Baby's first tantrum can take you by surprise. You'll be shocked at the shrieking, stamping and hitting that can come out of such a little body. Don't take it personally. Toddler tantrums aren't about anything you've done wrong, but there are a few things you can do to help calm your little one down and prevent the kicking and screaming from starting in the first place.

Why babies have tantrums-and what you can do about it

Baby, or toddler, tantrums start around age one and they aren't really about temper–your little one isn't old enough for that. A baby tantrum is due to an abrupt and sudden loss of emotional control. You need to treat tantrums in a one- to two-year-old differently than those with older children.

Various factors can bring on a tantrum and, with young children, if you can identify the trigger, then you can calm him down more easily–and perhaps even avoid the tantrum from happening in the first place.
Here are common reasons for baby tantrums and some solutions to try:

Reason for tantrum          Possible solution

Overtired                 Provide quiet activity or settle baby down to sleep
Hungry                    Give baby a snack or something to drink
Frustrated                Help baby achieve his goal or remove the frustration; use distraction
Afraid or anxious       Hold and cuddle baby; remove baby from difficult situation
Can't communicate    Try to figure out what baby wants; calmly encourage him to show you
Resisting change       Allow a few minutes for baby to make an adjustment
Over-stimulated        Move baby to a quiet place

How to prevent baby tantrums

You can often keep a baby from losing control of his emotions if you prevent the situations that can cause this. Here are some things to keep in mind:

  • When baby is tired, put him down for a nap or to sleep.
  • Feed your baby frequently. Babies have small tummies and need regular nourishment.
  • Give your baby toys that are geared to his age and ability level so he doesn't become frustrated.
  • Warn your baby before changing activities. ("One more swing, then we're going home.")
  • Be patient when putting your baby in an unfamiliar environment or when introducing him to new people.
  • Help your baby learn new skills (such as climbing stairs or working on puzzles).
  • Keep your expectations realistic; don't expect more than your baby is capable of.
  • As much as possible, keep a regular and predictable schedule.
  • When your baby is overly emotional, keep yourself as calm as possible.
  • Use a soothing tone of voice and gentle touch to help your baby calm down. He can't do it on his own, he needs your help.

Meet our Expert:
Elizabeth Pantley is a mother of four and the best-selling author of eight parenting books, including: The No-Cry Sleep Solution and The No-Cry Discipline Solution. She is also a contributing author to The Successful Child with Dr. William Sears. Based in Washington, Pantley is the president of Better Beginnings Inc. (a family resource and education company) and a parenting expert for a variety of publications including: Parents, Parenting and Redbook. (www.pantley.com)


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